


Said the Conveyor to the Malthusian

by Seapie



Category: EXO (Band), Girl's Generation, K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Blow Jobs, Crack, Multi, SM Entertainment - Freeform, YG entertainment, badfic, real subtle social commentary, satire I guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-26
Updated: 2015-10-26
Packaged: 2018-04-28 06:11:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5080714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seapie/pseuds/Seapie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You, yeah, the pretty one. Luhan, was it? Come here.” Lee motioned at the wall.<br/>Luhan panted like a happy puppy and nearly ran towards Lee’s dick.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Said the Conveyor to the Malthusian

**Author's Note:**

> I understand that if you've clicked this, you probably are a k-pop fan. Cool, like what you like. Two thumbs up. But I feel it necessary to mention that I don't, and that I imagine I have a pretty good personal reason not to. If you think you'll be offended, I suggest you hit the back button.
> 
> Also, for those who don't know, Yang owns YG, the entertainment company that Big Bang and 2NE1 belongs to. Lee owns SM, known for Girl's Generation, EXO, SHINEE and others. Can't give a fuck? Great, that's the spirit!!

Yang Hyunsuk was having an internal debate. 

On one side, the part of him that was once a member in the most well-known hip-hop group on Korean soil, was going- keep it chill, bro. It’s not like you’ve never seen partying. Or sex. Or orgies. 

On the other side, the part of him that had built an empire and had children was going- let’s back out slowly and report this, you can’t get caught up in this shit. 

He was spared from having to come to a decision by the man on the couch across the room. Lee Sooman, with his hand still on D.O’s bobbing head, raised his eyebrows. “What are you doing? Come in” 

Yang hesitated, then the businessman part of him relented at the prospect of further monopolizing the Korean music industry and he went to sit down next to Yang. 

“Aren’t the collars a bit too much?” he asked, unable to tear his eyes away from all the EXO members lining the future-electric-pop(?) themed walls. All were wearing very little clothes but did have dog collars and plenty of make-up. 

“Tell me, is it too much?” Lee asked. 

D.O took his mouth off Lee’s dick. “No, sir!” 

“See?” Lee turned to Yang. “They like it. Don’t you, D.O?” 

“Yes, I do, thank you sir,” D.O panted. “Thank you so much for letting me-“ 

“Oh, shut up.” 

“Sorry, sir. I love you, sir,” D.O whispered, before returning to suck Lee’s dick. 

But Lee prised him off by his hair, then kicked him away. “I’m getting sick of your face. Go to the basement and do something about it.” 

D.O whimpered, then crawled away, showcasing his butt plug. 

Yang knew the myth of SM’s basement plastic surgeries, equipped with the country’s finest surgeons to fix the performers’ to the public’s increasingly unhealthy body image. He’d thought it was taboo to talk about it. Apparently he was wrong. 

“You, yeah, the pretty one. Luhan, was it? Come here.” Lee motioned at the wall. 

Luhan panted like a happy puppy and nearly ran towards Lee’s dick. 

“Urgh, quit slobbering over me,” Lee said lazily, then turned towards Yang. “Come on, take your pick. That one, Baek hyun, he’s real tight. Though I can’t think why.” 

“Uh, no thanks. Look, what is this ‘big business plan’ you called to talk to me about?” 

“Oh, this isn’t your cup of tea. Is it?” Lee reached backwards and pressed a button from behind the couch. 

“I have a preposition to make,” Lee said. “We need to join hands to properly make it in the international market.” 

Yang was trying to peer behind the couch to see what had happened, but looked up at the words ‘market’. “Isn’t EXO and Shinee doing fairly well?” 

“Well?” Lee screeched. “Not with those upstarts BTS eating up my revenue.” 

“Who?” 

“BTS. The… you know, 방탄소년단.” 

“That was strange,” Yang mused. “It’s like you were suddenly speaking Korean though you were speaking Korean the whole time. Like I am. Right now.” 

“What?” 

“Never mind. What about them?” 

“They’re popular oversees! And they’re not in my company!” 

“They’re popular? But they’re not here in Korea. They’re for all-girls’ middle school attending preteen girls with bad ideas of hip-hop.” 

“Exactly!” 

“They should really thank the western media for hating on Justin Biever. Now that preteen girls feel like they shouldn’t like him, they’ve latched their attention to Asian versions of him.” 

“My thoughts exactly.” 

At that moment the door flung open and entered members of Girls’ Generation. They simpered and smiled and chorused in high pitched voices, “Hello, Mr. Yang.” 

“Take your pick,” Lee said in a bored voice. 

“Isn’t one of them your niece?” 

“So what’s your point?” 

Yang tried to pick one that wasn’t Lee’s niece, but they all looked so alike he gave up. He picked a random one with a bigger nose than the rest. She flung all her clothes off and started gyrating on his lap. 

“Aren’t you a little old for this?” Yang asked. He had his own products- uh, entertainers, have sex with governmental officials and prominent gang members for favors, but those were usually young, disposable ones, not the ones with enough money and celebrity to sue him for it. 

“But I like doing this for Mr. Lee,” the girl simpered, doing a girlish, cute face despite her being almost 30. 

“…good for you, then.” 

“Hey, why don’t you call up some of your kids?” 

“I would, but I’m afraid they might bite your dick off.” 

Lee laughed. “They’re all getting high somewhere, more like.” 

“How do you keep yours all docile?” 

Lee grinned. “Years and years of training and slave contracts. Watch this.” He clapped thrice, and all the EXO members got up in a line and started rimming each other. 

“Wow.” 

“I know, the more the merrier. Shinee was my prototype, but you can’t go very far with 5 members.” 

“What about them?” Yang pointed at GG. 

“Them?” Lee made a disgusted face. “Girls exist to give pleasure, not receive it.” 

Yang nodded. This he agreed with as well. 

“So, about that deal, with your knack at popular hip-hop and swag, along with my endless source of androgynous mind washed boys, we can take over BTS’ revenue!” 

“That’s a good idea. Do you think, maybe JYP would like to invest as well?” 

Lee wrinkled his nose. “All that guy can do nowadays is suck his own dick.” 

“Very true.” 

“So would you like to go see the goods?” 

“Sure.” 

Lee stood up, fucked Luhan in the mouth, and then came. 

The teen idol swallowed greedily, then blabbered, “Your semen is like dew drops fallen from lily petals, sir. And not dew drops like in Dew Drop the soju brand, dew drops like-“ 

“Oh, shut up already.” 

As he was led down to the basement, Yang heard Xerox machine-like noises. When Lee opened the heavy metal door, he was met by a room that would have been befit to film a 90s electronic pop music video. With harsh lights and large, mysterious metal machines, the atmosphere was pretty unnerving. 

“What is this place?” 

Lee wiped his glasses with a cloth. “This is where my kids get made.” 

Yang cautiously went to explore the first line of machines. They did look a bit like giant photocopiers, except that where the panels should have been flat, they were concaved so as to fit objects with real mass. 

He looked up from an examination of one of the machines, and saw, at the end of the line, a machine making the Xerox noise, with eerie lights flashing out of it. He approached it, then looked into the panel. 

Then reeled away. 

“What the..! Why is D.O in there? And why is his face cut open? And why is he have those... electro thingies inside him?” 

Lee looked surprised. “He’s getting a face-lift. Literally. His face is getting lift.” 

Yang looked in the panel again. “But… D.O’s a robot?” 

“He’s an android,” Lee said, sounding confused. 

Yang gaped at Lee. “Are they all androids?” he asked, pointing at the EXO products behind Lee. 

“Yes. Aren’t all of yours’?” 

“No!” 

Lee looked impressed. “How do you keep up with feeding expenses and such? What do you do when they get fat and ugly?” 

“I get them personal trainers. What do you do? Stick them in here and fix them up to match the concurrent fashion?” 

“Yeees? And when the public starts to suspect I dismantle them and use them for parts. The same goes if they’re not popular enough.” 

“Well, that’s, that’s,” now that Yang calmed up a bit he saw how much all this made sense business-wise. “Very smart.” 

“Thank you. Now let me show you some prototypes I’ve been working on,” Lee said, walking them to another aisle. “I’m thinking 6 members, but I’ll make 8 as a backup. All very pale for the South East Asian fans. I’m not sure how tall they should be- short is good for a twinkish image, but taller ones appeal to a larger demographic. I’m thinking a serious one, a cute one, a nerdy one, a troublemaker one, a bad-ass one, and a sunny one. I considered the shy but soft-hearted phenotype, but they’re really not that good at raking in fans, so we’ll see about that. I suggest we leak the shipping pictures early, straight after their debut- do some polls to see which one is the most popular, and we’ll make the two most popular of them sit on each other’s’ lap while we take pictures.” 

“So we’re doing this to rival the BTS, right?” 

“Yes, that is our primary focus.” 

“You know, I think I might have a better idea.” 

Two weeks later, all members of BTS were reported missing, but the report was pulled back a day later as a mistake and a prank call. There was some talk of them no longer needing to eat or drink, but such unfounded rumors were not only disproved but completely swept under the rug when BTS announced they would now be working with SM entertainment, and with YG’s producers exclusively. 

“So what did you do with the real ones?” Yang asked, watching the BTS androids fawning over Lee’s dick. The likeness really was uncanny. 

“In some prostitution ring somewhere, probably. Who cares?” Lee said, pushing andro-Jimin further onto his crotch. “Yeah, lick those balls.” 

And everyone lived happily ever after. 

The End 

**Author's Note:**

> If I am reported missing, please tell the police I have probably been murdered by gangsters on SM's payroll.


End file.
